first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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