I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
