I haven't been this sober since birth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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