It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
