it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize