A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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