wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
