Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
