You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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