Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
