I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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