I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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