You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
