Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
