you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
