just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
