that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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