Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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