Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
