drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
