I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
