I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
