thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
