the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My first STD was from a foam party
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize