Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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