my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize