Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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