Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
