i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
