im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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