do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
