We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
