I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
