My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have fence marks all over my body
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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