well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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