Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize