dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
