"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
