yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
