i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
