dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
