This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish you could order shots online.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
