Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
