I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
