Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize