So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize