So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my shit smells like andre
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
