There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
