I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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