So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
