You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
