Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
