I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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