Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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