She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
