Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
