Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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