Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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