I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
