You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
