I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just google imaged poop.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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