if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
