i think i have herpe
just one?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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