how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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