All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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