Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
