Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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