I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
